Why I told The Old Bat “My Uterus Fell Out.”

Watching my almost 4 year old daughter, more precious to her father and I than she will ever know, run around an indoor playground with an instant, newfound friend, I can’t help but smile. It’s beautiful to me how children will seek each other out, hold hands and run off to play. Strangers become friends. And this mother’s heart was full of pride, watching her daughter grow and mature right before her very eyes.

An elderly grandmother sitting next to me smiled at her grandson. “My daughter has 3 children you know, and wants to have another. I keep telling her no! 3 is just perfect!” I giggle and say “Oh yes! 1 is enough for me.” The old lady turns to me and her face is suddenly stern. “Absolutley not! 3 is perfect! 1 is nothing!!” I blink and try to understand what The Old Bat has just had the nerve to imply and before I could silently assume her insane she goes on to add. “If you only have one child, you will ruin her. Without siblings she will be nothing” I smile at her again and politely tell her that I am unable to have anymore children as my uterus fell out.

The lady with no manners goes bright red and tells me that she is so very sorry and that she has to leave, rips her grandson out of the playground and leaves me sitting there staring after her, fists clenched, fighting back tears with a grimace pretending to be a smile on my face.

I’m used to this kind of ridiculousness really. I have been told all sorts of horror stories from ‘well meaning’ people about selfish no-sibling children they know, that have grown up to be lonely and have trouble hearing the word ‘no.’ I have sat back and smiled and listened to their theories and I am never rude or lie about why I have stopped at just one – until The Old Bat. I couldn’t help it. What does it matter to her? Why does she care? What vested interest lies in a child she has never met? I won’t have anymore children, I just can’t.

My husband and I decided that Miss Mimi was to be an only child halfway through my pregnancy. Not because children don’t sleep. Not because they suck up all your money and time, dribble on you, talk back and embarrass you in public and then have the nerve to become teenagers, but because I just don’t cope well with pregnancy. It’s mortifying that something that’s meant to be so natural and inbuilt is something that I can’t manage. I don’t mean for that comment to offend women struggling to conceive but I imagine a similar kind of frustration would lie within you too.

I suffered from Hyperemesis Gravidarum whilst pregnant with Miss Mimi. I couldn’t do much apart from vomit and cry for most of my pregnancy. I was so thin and frail and for the first 16 weeks of it I sincerely wished I would just die. A time that was supposed to be full of hope and excitement, was pure torture and heartache. At 21 weeks, my Crohn’s flared and I was put onto steroids which was the answer I was looking for. I stopped vomiting and only had the nausea. I was forced to come off them when my Crohn’s had settled and I went back to the horror. I spent most of my pregnancy living at my parents house and was on anti- nausea tablets constantly. I guess my body going into premature labour with her was just it’s way of ending the torture. How poor Mimi arrived relatively unscathed is beyond me. My uterus is still intact by the way, The Old Bat just needed a scare.

And so now I can look at Miss Mimi and be ever so grateful that the war I battled was won for her. I know that she will wish for a sibling and ask me again and again for a brother or sister, but that’s our issue. No one else needs to weigh in on the conversation about what is best for my family. Mothers who are blessed with one child may or may not long for another, but I figure, why dwell on something that cannot be? I have so much and I feel so lucky to have her. I am happy with my little family. I just wish others could be happy for me too.

And for any first-time HG sufferers who may be reading. As soon as I gave birth to my child I felt better and the next day the nausea was completely gone. The horror does end. Have hope. xo

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10 thoughts on “Why I told The Old Bat “My Uterus Fell Out.”

  1. Thank you for sharing your personal story so that other ppl can speak about this also. In some ways it’s a taboo subject as to how many children and the “psychological impact” that is insinuated. Ppl need to think before they speak and leave each to their own. Honestly I am only becoming more thoughtful as I get older and mature. I admit to having said probably some of those generalisations at some points in time but ultimately I don’t know ppl’s circumstances as to why and it is none of my business. I truly have the belief that as long as the child is having it’s basic needs met, it is provided a safe, loving nurturing environment to enable the child to have a well rounded upbringing and ability to understand then this is what is important. It’s how each child is parented not how many siblings.

  2. I’m happy for you honey and from everything you’ve shared with us on your blog, and facebook etc, I couldn’t think of anyone who is doing a better job at parenting than you, you are giving it everything. Which is all any of us can do. I could not imagine a woman who is such an incredibly beautiful person as yourself raising a spoiled brat just because you have one child. I’ve seen plenty of spoiled brats who are one of several siblings or worse all of the several siblings are brats. 🙂 I think your Miss Mimi would have to be one of the luckiest little girls in the world to have you as a Mummy. The fact that the road to getting her here was so difficult does make her all the more precious and special, and you must feel extremely grateful that you have her. It’s wonderful that you accept that is how it is and that you make the most of it. Even if you did raise a spoiled brat its still not anyone else’s business anyway. I’m glad you gave the old bat something to think about, maybe she will think before she speaks next time.

    Lots of Love always, Linda xxxx

  3. Wow – I am too often amazed at how rude and judgemental people can be from time to time. It is sad that women who can be the most incredible source of support and comfort in happy times and tough times, can also turn on each other about personal topics such as number of children, birth experiences, feeding and a host of other matters. In blogs, in magazine letters, in the playground. Lucky there’s lots of us that are happy to leave everyone to their own lives and decisions and choices, and not feel a need to meddle. xx Sue

  4. Beautiful piece Jade. I think you handled the situation well; such wit! Everyone has their own view on what is best for them and thier family, every one is different. That’s why it’s an interesting world! I agree with the other comments, it’s the parenting that is important – not the number of kids. Well done for standing up for yourself.

  5. What a great article Jade. How rude and inconsiderate people can be. I have often felt guilty for Lily that I could not provide her with a sibling for so long. But then at the same time I felt guilty that I would put myself through so much emotional trauma trying to have another baby -would she wonder if she just wasn’t enough. Did my tears says to her that she just wouldn’t do on her own. I feel blessed to be able to now have another baby but I did learn in the last 5 years that only children have so many advantages and the extra joy and closeness that Lily and I share (and Lily and Sam) because of that it something I will forever treasure. Good parents are a rare find and as long as our kids have that, they are blessed.

  6. I thank you all for leaving your thoughts and comments, your support and own stories here. I am truly just so grateful that there are soft places to fall in the likes of this community of awesome friends and mothers. It feels good to be moving on.

  7. To this day I am still amazed at the things people will say out loud. You are quite right, you are blessed to have a child and she is a delightful bundle of fun….just like her mum (and her grandmother).

  8. Thanks for sharing Jade. I have a friend who had a similar pregnancy experience as yours except that she was never diagnosed and never knew what she was suffering. I am gonna share this with her. Oh, and I’m glad you handled the situation with that old lady the way you did. I cannot believe how insensitive some people can be!

    • Cindy, I hope it helps your friend to know that she’s not alone! And if she wants to fall pregnant again I advise her to first look for an obstetrician who knows a bit about HG and can help diagnose her quickly into her pregnancy and help her. I can’t imagine how awful it would have been for her to go through that not knowing that she could be helped, even just ever so slightly.
      Katrina, it’s easy to be a motivated mother with mums like you in my life! 🙂

  9. Hey chicken. I can just see you sitting there and calmly telling her that, too!! hihihi
    I am constantly being asked when I’m going to have another baby (mind you I already have 2!) and people are amazed that I’m happy with what I’ve got and don’t want another one. Even my own doctor, who knows how sick I was (nothing like you, tho) with my second pregnancy and how it effected my depression, keeps asking when I’m having another one. She thinks I need to have 4!!! xxxx

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